21st Century: Successful Blend of Spiritual Professionalism in Leadership

The second blog in my leadership profile series.

Ian Gardner is a reluctant achiever; an introvert by nature, he's a builder creating extraordinarily successful, bold visions.



He comes across as a very corporate guy, who possesses a lot of clarity and insight -- people meet him and sense something different about his energy; they always ask, "How do you blend the spiritual and professional?" Many of these professionals -- doctors, lawyers and other leaders -- don't have a comfortable and fluent way to connect the inner and outer world.

Ian has successfully integrated a harmonious balance between his inner and outer life. It's counter to the perception of many who believe an individual must be on one end of the spectrum or the other. People, who get to know him, see him trade his suit to baring his fully-tattooed arms, sneakers, beads and jeans. He's the same guy no matter what environment he's in and has inspired many to find the courage to live authentically.

He realizes that being authentic is not about being perfect. Ian trusts in the unknown and helps leaders open that door.

Seeds of discontent.

Early on, Ian discovered he could pretty much apply himself to any career. He decided to become a doctor, only to find through an internship at Duke Energy that he was more suited to finance. He had taken an intuitive leap, accomplishing something he'd never done.

It was the beginning of learning to trust his intuition, which continued at every point in his career.

He was hired full time at Duke and then went onto Boston Consulting Group (BCG) to be a leading analyst. Even though the lifestyle afforded him a substantially luxurious existence, he found it was not enough to sustain his happiness.

Ian desired a fulfilling and enduring happiness. Through his work experiences, he felt there had to be more.

Discovering true happiness.

He applied to UCLA business school for his MBA, taking time out from his career, which also benefitted his growing self-discovery.

Yoga and meditation opened up a whole new world to him. He started uncovering who he truly was at heart, and it wasn't easy. The inner journey laid bare his insecurities, doubts, pain and frustrations. Ultimately he faced in himself, what many avoid; through it, he became stronger, more resilient and fearless.

His breakthroughs lead him to San Diego, then to the Esalen Institute in Big Sur, where he worked on their capital campaign, followed later by a visit to India.

Back in San Diego, Ian took a job managing a restaurant, while writing six books on meditation. He was spending 6-8 hours a day meditating and connecting to his inner depths; he was grasping the truth of how to create happiness within.


Ian took his inner realm as far as he could and wanted to get back to living in the external world.

Bringing the Inner World to Outer Endeavors.

Intuitively, whether he was ready or not, he followed a spark in choosing doors to open in his career.

Along the way, he had three failed startups, losing over one million dollars from money given to him by others. Intuitively, he had the right vision, but his applied experience hadn't yet caught up, leaving him to honestly evaluate where he had gone wrong. He came to understand that he hadn't mastered the physical aspects of building a business, which was more important than the creative, and intuitive parts.

Ian continued to trust his inner knowing, while relying on his analytical mind. As an entrepreneur, he helped his brother build a company to successfully become #1 in the marketplace for biotech recycling, which he sold at a substantial profit in 2008. His next venture was in wind turbine devices, taking the company public in 2010.

His journey was to remain fearless, to keep trying, continue learning, and never give up.

Through his many endeavors, Ian would find himself in various social, professional settings. The conversation would inevitably turn to questions about his inner world. His peers saw the difference in how he handled the stress related to work. He didn't complain; he seemed to have a peace that others were lacking, this calm made others gravitate toward him.

This led him to the Finding Silence Project. The inspiration was to act as a bridge between the spiritual and professional.

Finding Silence Project.

"The small hermit lives on a mountain.
The great hermit lives in a town." -- Chinese proverb

Silence is explored in a variety of global spiritual communities, bringing to focus the need to create an inner world, which allows us to flourish in our lives as a whole -- both professionally and personally.

Ian believes this will create a bridge between those communities where silence is practiced as a norm, and the busy, overwhelmed inhabitant of our 24/7 society.

Every year Ian takes a month off from work and travels with a film crew to a different part of the world to retreat with the monks of a different tradition.

Authentic leadership born from silence.

Ian has been a successful entrepreneur and investment banker; he currently helps run LA Cleantech incubator.

Ian sees a really successful leader, as possessing intuition and creativity to do something, which hasn't been done before. He believes this comes from the wellspring of creativity, the inner silence.

His favorite time of day is 4:30 a.m.

He rises and meditates until the sun comes up.

It's his best time.

If he has a business or a personnel problem, during the silence, he finds the solution. It helps him to deal with fear, stress, anger, and other strong emotions. He connects this as to why people work for him. They trust the beauty inside his vision, which comes from the silence, the inner reflection and the solitude.

Change as part of one's own evolution.

Ian is notoriously uncomfortable with stagnation and thrives on change.

There must be a new mountain to scale or he gets twitchy, so he lives by this platitude:

"At any point in my life, when I go back twelve or even 24 months from where I am today, if someone had told me that I'd be doing this now and I believed them, then I'm not living my life well enough. I'm not taking enough risks, not pushing things."

Everything he's done has been a risk; fear has never held him back. He does little quantitative research; he doesn't take the linear path. To him happiness is about eliminating fear from life, because fear inhibits freedom.

The whole essence of the inner journey pushes him to evolve, to expand his consciousness and awareness to go further down the path to new territory. Learning to integrate the balance of the inner to outer world.

His advice:

Ask yourself, "Do you want to get the most out of life based on who you are and what you are here to do? Then do what your heart tells you to do, follow your inspiration, it'll work out, it may not be easy initially, but it'll work out."

It is the most important thing.

Why Make a Yoga Pilgrimage to India?

Coral Brown offers a preview of all that a trip to yoga’s motherland could open your eyes to.

The post Why Make a Yoga Pilgrimage to India? appeared first on Yoga Journal.

[ Book Review ] SILENCE by Thich Nhat Hanh

QUIETUDE ‘Tis a Gift to Be Silent There is an immeasurability in happiness that only feels at home in the breadth of silence. Happiness and silence belong together just as do profit and noise. — Max Picard   Silence: The Power of Quiet in a World Full of Noise By Thich Nhat Hanh HarperOne, 2015 Hardback, 208 pages Reviewed by...

The post [ Book Review ] SILENCE by Thich Nhat Hanh appeared first on Enlightenment.Com.

Daily Meditation: Peace Mantra

We all need help maintaining our personal spiritual practice. We hope that these Daily Meditations, prayers and mindful awareness exercises can be part of bringing spirituality alive in your life.

Today's meditation features a recording from the 2011 album 'Children Beyond' by Tina Turner, Regula Curti & Dechen Shak-Dagsay. As part of the musicians' initiative to spread a message of compassion to the globe through their art, the 'Peace Mantra' reminds us of our own potential to use our talents to affect change.

Answering These 13 Life Questions Will Make You Wiser

Earlier this year, HuffPost launched Sophia, a project to collect life lessons from fascinating people.

We've asked some brilliant and accomplished individuals -- best-selling authors, Nobel Prize-winning scientists, top artists, entrepreneurs, athletes, and more -- to share practical wisdom they've learned in the course of their lives and careers.

The results have been wonderful, but we want to cast a much wider net.

So we created The Sophia Questionnaire. We'd love for you to share your answers, to tell your story.

Below you'll find 13 questions about topics that are central to a well-lived life. Answer them for your own sake. It's a great opportunity for self-reflection and contemplation. Plus, your answers will end up helping others, as we'll be featuring reader submissions regularly on HuffPost. (Bookmark this page for tonight or this weekend If you don't have time to answer the questions now.) Either way, take the time. You'll be glad you did.

Why Group Brainstorming Is a Waste of Time

To grow and innovate, organizations have to come up with creative ideas. At the employee level, creativity results from a combination of expertise, motivation, and thinking skills. At the team level, it results from the synergy between team members, which allows the group to produce something greater than the sum of its parts.

The most widely used method to spark group creativity is brainstorming, a technique first introduced by Alex Osborn, a real life "Mad Man," in the 1950s. Brainstorming is based on four rules: (a) generate as many ideas as possible; (b) prioritize unusual or original ideas; (c) combine and refine the ideas generated; and (d) abstain from criticism during the exercise. The process, which should be informal and unstructured, is based on two old psychological premises. First, that the mere presence of others can have motivating effects on an individual's performance. Second, that quantity (eventually) leads to quality.

Osborn famously claimed that brainstorming should enhance creative performance by almost 50 percent versus individuals working on their own. Yet after six decades of independent scientific research, there is very little evidence for the idea that brainstorming produces more or better ideas than the same number of individuals would produce working independently. In fact, a great deal of evidence indicates that brainstorming actually harms creative performance, resulting in a collective performance loss that is the very opposite of synergy.

A meta-analytic review of over 800 teams indicated that individuals are more likely to generate a higher number of original ideas when they don't interact with others. Brainstorming is particularly likely to harm productivity in large teams, when teams are closely supervised, and when performance is oral rather than written. Another problem is that teams tend to give up when they notice that their efforts aren't producing very much.

But why doesn't brainstorming work? There are four explanations:

• Social loafing: There's a tendency -- also known as free riding -- for people to make less of an effort when they are working in teams than alone. As with the bystander effect, we feel less propelled to do something when we know other people might do it.



• Social anxiety: People worry about other team members' views of their ideas. This is also referred to as evaluation apprehension. Similarly, when team members perceive that others have more expertise, their performance declines. This is especially problematic for introverted and less confident individuals.



• Regression to the mean: This is the process of downward adjustment whereby the most talented group members end up matching the performance of their less talented counterparts. This effect is well known in sports -- if you practice with someone less competent than you, your competence level declines and you sink to the mediocrity of your opponent.



• Production blocking: No matter how large the group, individuals can only express a single idea at one time if they want other group members to hear them. Studies have found that the number of suggestions plateaus with more than six or seven group members, and that the number of ideas per person declines as group size increases.

Given brainstorming's flaws, why is the practice so widely adopted?

There are two main reasons. First, with the increased specialization of labor, organizations see that expertise is distributed among their employees. If problem-solving benefits from different types of knowledge, assembling the right combination of people should, in theory, increase the amount of expertise in the room and result in better solutions being proposed. However, in practice, this approach would require careful selection of individuals and painstaking coordination of their efforts. Second, even though groups don't generate more or better ideas, brainstorming is arguably more democratic than the alternatives, so it can enhance buy-in and subsequent implementation of the ideas generated, regardless of the quality of those ideas.

Ultimately, brainstorming continues to be used because it feels intuitively right to do so. As such, it is one more placebo in the talent management cabinet, believed to work in spite of the clear absence of evidence. So go ahead, schedule that brainstorming meeting. Just don't expect it to accomplish much, other than making your team feel good.

This post originally appeared in Harvard Business Review.

Be Yourself and Go All the Way

How many times have you heard the words "just be yourself?" We hear these words of advice, but what do they really mean? What does it mean to be yourself? To be yourself is to be a unique expression of spirit. Spirit is housed inside of us, and it is our true essence. Each of us is born for a purpose, the purpose of becoming yourself. You are here to be only you and to allow life to be expressed through you. You are here to leave your mark on the world, to offer your piece of the puzzle so that life expands, so that you impact others' lives and the world is richer and sweeter for it.

Never before in human history has this been more significant than now. Consciousness is evolving, and more and more people are waking up to their personal power and are delving deep within themselves to discover the treasures that lie within. You are unique. You have something to give that no one else can give. Life is asking you to be yourself and leave your essence in the world.

I have a proposition for you: Be yourself and go all way. There is no room for half measures. If you're going to shine your light, do it brightly in a loving and courageous way. It is your birth right to be you, and as Joseph Campbell said, "The privilege of a lifetime is being who you are." Be an original, not a copy of someone else. The hardest thing you will have to face in a world that expects you to meet others' expectations is to be yourself and trust yourself.

You were born with unique gifts and unique ways of seeing the world. Find out what your gifts are and then share them with others. This is your purpose to share your gifts and yourself with others. You were not born to compare yourself to others, seeking to validate your self-worth with what others have accomplished. The simple truth is that you were never supposed to do what they did and be like they are because you were meant to be you and only you.

There is freedom in knowing that you have nothing else to do but be you. To be you is to be true to yourself. To be true to yourself is to honor your heart's yearning and to listen to your inner guidance as it offers clues to the right path for you. Stop seeking reassurance, opinions and validation from the outside world and start seeking answers and comfort from your inner self.

Start to know who you really are. Embrace everything about yourself. Love yourself as you are unconditionally, and then, from this place, if there are parts of yourself that you would like to improve and change because it will bring contentment and peace, do so with compassion and love. Applying love to those parts that are hurting is what healing is about. There is always room for us to shine a little brighter by bringing more light to the darker parts of ourselves, not because anyone said so but because doing so allows us to be vulnerable and to be okay with the human condition.

Often, we hide these shadowy parts of ourselves because we don't want to reveal them to others. We live in shame, embarrassed and scared for others to discover those parts of us that we have disowned. We believe that we have to show only the parts of us that will be accepted. The funny thing is that it has nothing to do with anyone else. The fact is that we have not accepted all of us and continue to live in judgement. It's time to let ourselves off the hook and make a commitment to healing and being ourselves.

The price you pay for not being yourself is betrayal of yourself. It is actually painful when we are not ourselves, as we are not in sync with who we are. When we do not allow ourselves to be who we really are, we feel depressed, our spirit is crushed, our light has dimmed and we feel trapped. We keep ourselves small and feel constricted. This is not natural, and there is no joy in being like this.

Why do we hold back from being ourselves? Fear stops us from being ourselves. Maybe we fear that if we are ourselves, people will not love us, we will be alone or we may be rejected. How ironic that we are the ones rejecting ourselves. We are the ones that judge ourselves for not been good enough, so we deny our true essence. We walk around dimming our light, moulding ourselves to what we think is acceptable to others and not realizing that we have created the story that tells us, "Be careful. It's not safe to be yourself."

This is not true. This is a belief and story we have convinced ourselves of. The truth is that being yourself is why you are here. You are the one that you have chosen to be in this lifetime. You are the one you have been waiting for. It's your birthright to be yourself and to go all the way with expressing your greatness. The world is waiting for you to express your creativity, including your unique way of speaking, writing, painting, parenting, relating and just being.

The ancient Greeks believed that each child was born with a 'diamon' and the purpose in life was to discover their golden self. Aristotle considered the journey of discovering our magnificence based on one's unique talents and potential to be the noblest goal in life. There are people waiting for someone like you, people who will appreciate who you are and need your unique talents and gifts. To know that someone will be happier, inspired and touched because you decided to be yourself and share your unique offerings, now that is worth living for. That is worth being yourself.

Sustainable Seafood: What to Eat and What to Avoid

Our quick-and-easy guide to best and worst seafood species for the planet's health.

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YJ Tried It: Silent Disco Yoga—More Than a Trend

Wireless headphones meet asana. And it’s more than the next fad—it’s a pretty smart fix for a variety of teaching challenges.

The post YJ Tried It: Silent Disco Yoga—More Than a Trend appeared first on Yoga Journal.

The Only Way To Make Your Anger Work For You

If you're mad as hell (and not gonna take it anymore), we have good news: That attitude might just take you somewhere extraordinary.

By Martha Beck

I was a young mom when I realized I needed to get a grip on my anger. Despite my best efforts, I'd become prone to snappishness. One morning, after cursing at another driver in a minivan full of tots, I resolved never to rage again. But then I came across a statement from Mahatma Gandhi: "I have learnt...to conserve my anger, and as heat conserved is transmuted into energy, even so our anger controlled can be transmuted into a power which can move the world." Huh, I thought. Maybe I wasn't a rotten mother. Maybe I'd just been losing something I should have been using. Anger, you see -- yours, mine, Gandhi's -- fuels justice. Virtually every step our species has taken toward a better society happened because someone used a tankful of anger to move the world.

Of course, like any potent fuel, anger is volatile. Most people either suppress it or vent it inappropriately. The former approach is like hiding enriched uranium under your mattress (you won't see it, but it may slowly kill you), while the latter is like slopping gasoline all over your car instead of putting it in the tank. To use anger productively, we must first contain it, then channel it.

Feel around in your psyche for any anger you're carrying. Hint: Anger always says "That's not fair." It points at injustice. For example, a woman I'll call Anne suffered from continuous dull rage because her parents always favored her brother. Brenda was infuriated when her local school refused to accommodate her daughter, who has cerebral palsy. Connie was frustrated by a friend who kept gushing about her new romance, knowing that Connie was mid-divorce.

For all of these women, and for you, the process of turning rage into fuel is the same. Observe your anger, and tell yourself it isn't just OK, it's healthy. This compassionate attention is the insulated tank that takes the explosive edge off anger and makes it available as fuel.

Now you're ready to use your anger stockpile as Gandhi used his -- to correct the problems that inspired your wrath. Anger appears when something you need is missing from your life or something you can't tolerate is present. So ask yourself, What do I need that I'm not getting? or What am I experiencing that feels unbearable?

For example, Anne's parents' focus on her brother left her without the sense of being precious, which everyone deserves. Brenda wanted her daughter to have a fair chance at an education. Connie's anger at her friend stemmed from her yearning for reassurance that she'd be OK post-divorce. The truth my anger told was clear: I was trying to do too much too fast. Despite my fervent feminist-sociologist belief that raising toddlers, finishing school and starting a career simultaneously should be doable, for me it was not. Your anger is probably signaling some equally simple fact.

Once you've found it, ask yourself, What would make my rage evaporate? Anne realized that her anger with her parents would subside if they acknowledged their favoritism. Brenda wanted her daughter to be welcomed at school, but also longed to see society accept disabled people. Connie merely needed her friend to say a sympathetic word or two. I bet you'll discover that the solution -- the thing you need that you're not getting -- is fairly straightforward.

Next, imagine what you'll do to find peace if nothing changes. Anne realized that she might have to spend less time with her parents. Brenda staged a protest against the school. Connie decided that if her BFF couldn't support her, she'd demote her to second BFF.

As a young mother, I found that my anger didn't go away until I gave myself time and sleep. This broke my inner rules, which said I should be doing it all. That's when I realized that civil disobedience -- living according to one's own sense of justice -- isn't just for revolutionaries. If our inner rules, the rules of a relationship, or the culture's rules are unjust, we must break them.

But by all means, make communication your first step. Go to anyone who can make your situation fairer, and explain why you're upset. If they agree with you, praise the day and help create the new system. If they don't, go about living the life you feel is right. This is what Gandhi did to free India from oppression. It's what the suffragettes did to get women the vote. It's what African American civil rights activists did when they sat in seats the country had reserved for white people. Even if your problem is trivial, the process of living your truth instead of giving in to the system is the only way to turn anger from a bitter, explosive power into fuel for change.

I resolved my exhausted-mom situation by hiring a regular babysitter and asking for an extra year to finish my degree. I took a little flak from other people -- and a lot from myself. But I realized I was living a manageable life. If you treat anger as fuel, containing it and using its energy to live your own truth, the same thing will happen to you. You'll actually come to appreciate your anger, knowing that in ways large and small, it will always help you move the world.

Martha Beck's latest book is The Martha Beck Collection: Essays for Creating Your Right Life, Volume One.




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Mindfulness Meditation? Am I Doing It Right?

I teach people how to meditate and the most common statement I hear them utter is: I must not be very good at this. I just can't seem to do it right. My mind keeps wandering!

Actually, hearing them say this always makes me smile. Because, guess what? This is actually a sign that they are doing it exactly right!

Doesn't make sense, you say? Let's look at a few facts.

• Scientists say people have 50,000+ thoughts each day. This is a sign that our minds wander, and wander often in order to reach that incredible number.


• Anything we do on a regular basis becomes a habit and, if not a habit, it certainly becomes something we no longer give any thought to doing; we just do it...without thinking. Brushing teeth. Tying shoes. Showering.


• Wandering minds become a habit for our brains.

When we want to establish a new habit, we have to unlearn, or break, the old habit and then possibly establish a new one. Dropping dirty clothes on the floor becomes putting dirty clothes in the hamper. Leaving dirty dishes in the sink becomes washing dirty dishes right away, or rinsing them and putting them in the dishwasher. Leaving an unmade bed becomes making the bed every morning. Letting our mind wander becomes... noticing the wandering mind and bringing it back to focus and attention.

Do you get the idea? When you are first starting to meditate, you have to train your brain.

• Your mind is used to being allowed to wander.


• When you first try to meditate you typically try focusing on your breath, or the sounds you hear.


• Because your mind is used to wandering, it does.


• In an effort to break the habit of a wandering mind, each time it wanders you bring it back to attention.


• Before you know it, your mind has learned not to wander, but to stay on the focus of your breath or the sounds you hear.

Does this remind you of anything? Think about a new puppy. You bring that puppy home and, unless you want to be cleaning up after it a million times a day, you have to train the puppy to let you know when it wants to go outside to do its business. So, over and over and over again you teach the puppy, train the puppy, so the puppy will eventually learn the desired behavior. Just like your puppy, your brain deserves the time necessary to teach it what it needs to learn. And just as you show the puppy love and patience, so must you show it to yourself.

You're learning. It's a new skill. And, just like you and the puppy will have years of happy times together after the puppy has been trained, you and your brain will spend a lifetime of valuable time together focusing, meditating, solving, creating...and so much more.

So to answer that question again: When you're sitting there, trying to focus on your breath or the sounds you are hearing, and when you notice your mind wandering...yes, you are meditating. Or, you are learning how to meditate. You are kindly, without frustration or anger, saying to your puppy-dog brain, "Caught you!"

You are bringing your thoughts back to your breath...again. You are starting to count all over again: one, two, three...You are starting to list the sounds all over again. And before you know it, you will be meditating for five minutes, 10, 15 or more. Your mind won't be wandering as often as it used to, so you won't have to keep bringing it back on focus.

And that's when your stress and anxiety will decrease. Your shoulders will relax. Your jaw and forehead will relax, and tension will be leaving your body. You will gain a new, improved perspective about what's really important in your life, and negative emotions will diminish.

You will look at me...

And I will simply say, "You're welcome."

Dr. Wolbe can be contacted via her website at www.drsusiewolbe.com. Follow her on Facebook and LinkedIn.

Daily Meditation: Bound For Glory

We all need help maintaining our personal spiritual practice. We hope that these Daily Meditations, prayers and mindful awareness exercises can be part of bringing spirituality alive in your life.

Today's meditation features a rendition of Woody Guthrie's iconic 1925 song, "This Train," also known as "This Train Is Bound for Glory." What "train" are you riding in life, and where are you headed?



This Train Is Bound for Glory by Woody Guthrie

This train is bound for glory, this train.
This train is bound for glory, this train.
This train is bound for glory,
Don't carry nothing but the righteous and the holy.
This train is bound for glory, this train.

This train don't carry no gamblers, this train;
This train don't carry no gamblers, this train;
This train don't carry no gamblers,
Liars, thieves, nor big shot ramblers,
This train is bound for glory, this train.

This train don't carry no liars, this train;
This train don't carry no liars, this train;
This train don't carry no liars,
She's streamlined and a midnight flyer,
This train don't carry no liars, this train.

This train don't carry no smokers, this train;
This train don't carry no smokers, this train
This train don't carry no smokers,
Two bit liars, small time jokers,
This train don't carry no smokers, this train.

This train don't carry no con men, this train;
This train don't carry no con men, this train;
This train don't carry no con men,
No wheeler dealers, here and gone men,
This train don't carry no con men, this train.

This train don't carry no rustlers, this train;
This train don't carry no rustlers, this train;
This train don't carry no rustlers,
Sidestreet walkers, two bit hustlers,
This train is bound for glory, this train.

Nominee #3

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Karma Yoga: Nominee #1

The post Karma Yoga: Nominee #1 appeared first on Yoga Journal.

7 Hidden Clutter Spots in Your Home and How to Fix Them

When it comes to cleaning and organizing your home, it's very easy to overlook some prime clutter spots. This happens often in closed areas where it's easy to just shove stuff in and close the door. As the saying goes, "Out of site, out of mind." But as we start tidying up, we realize there are massive piles of clutter we may have overlooked. Not to mention the fact that we may have lost things and now realize we need to find a place for them.

Here are some often overlooked clutter areas:

1. Entry Way

We're so used to this area being a dumping ground for coats, shoes, mail, kids' school papers and other everyday things. Because we're in and out, we may not realize when clutter begins piling up. Although we may have a system, it's very easy for this space to get cluttered in no time.

Coat Closets or Racks

If not cleared out regularly, these could get cluttered pretty fast. Change out seasonal coats, shoes and accessories. Donate anything that hasn't been used in a year.

Mail and Papers

Have a small recycling bin for junk mail nearby and placeholder for mail you need to go through. You could use vertical mail organizers or letter trays. You could also use an attractive ottoman with hidden storage for file folders that you can put mail into.

For your kids paperwork, make sure they have their own placeholder for art work, teacher's correspondence and their activities' calendar. Bulletin boards and paper organizers are ideal for this.

Everyday Items

Have placeholders, organizers and charging stations for these following items:

• Keys


• Wallets


• Bags


• Glasses


• Mobile phones and tablets

Note that these are some of the often misplaced items that need a home.

2. Junk Drawers

This could be any drawer in the house, usually the kitchen that has odds and ends we just throw in. These include old batteries, old utensils, old pens, unused screws and nails from home projects, office supplies no longer in use, etc. If you're not in the habit of sorting things out, pileup can accumulate fast. Get in the habit of doing regular clear outs. One thing in means another thing goes out.

3. Food Storage

Pantries

If you bulk shop frequently, this area can get crowded fast. Keep expiration dates in mind and toss out when necessary. Toss or donate any unused appliances or dishes. Organize like items with like items so things are easier to find.

Refrigerator

Any food that's gone bad, uneaten leftovers from restaurants, or anything expired could get tossed out. Clear out regularly, preferably once a week the night before garbage pickup.

4. Medicine Cabinets and Toiletries Storage

It's very easy to forgot what medicines we have and don't have. Toss out anything expired or not in use. Organize like items with other like items, like toiletries, cosmetics, medicines. Use organizers to tidy up.

5. Kids Toy Bins

Sure your kids have their own rooms that need regular clear outs, but have you ever looked into their toy bins, or toy baskets where there are loads of stuff, half of which are probably unused? Are they still playing with them or have they out grown them? Have your child help decide what stays and what goes. You could donate to charity or regift outgrown toys.

6. Accessories Storage

On vanity mirror trays, perfume bottles can easily collect dust bunnies. Toss out old perfumes.
Sort jewelry in jewelry boxes or trays. Anything unworn can be resold, donated or re-gifted. Handbags and wallets that you use everyday could use a regular decluttering. Toss out loose tissues, unused toiletries, snack wrappers, old candy, anything not in use. For your wallet, you want to get rid of old metro cards, old rewards cards you no longer use, expired licenses, etc.


7. Under the Beds Storage

This is particularly if you live in a small space like a condo or apartment. The under bed area of bedrooms and guest rooms are often forgotten areas that may their share of dust bunnies. Be sure to clean out regularly and review what's in there, whether these be gift wrappers, magazine subscriptions, luggage, small gym equipment like handheld and ankle weights or out of season clothes.

Clearing these often overlooked spots will help your house be less decluttered in no time.

Obama: I'm Hoping For A 'Post-Administration Glow' After I Leave Office And Can Get More Sleep

When asked how much sleep he gets a night, President Barack Obama said, "probably not enough."

"I will say that when people leave the administration and I see them six months later, they have that post-administration glow," Obama told The Huffington Post in a sit-down interview Friday. "They really look good. So I'm hoping the same happens to me."

It's rare that the president gets time to truly relax. Even while on vacation, Obama must deal with pressing issues. He frequently has to return to Washington, like he did in August 2014, when he cut short his vacation in Martha's Vineyard amid the protests in Ferguson, Missouri, that followed the killing of Michael Brown.

Watch The Huffington Post's full interview with President Obama here.

12 Steps for an Excuse-Free Life

Image Credit: stocksnap.io

If there's one habit that cripples more dreams than anything else, it's making excuses. Life rarely goes according to plan, but responding with excuses only turns a bad situation into worse.

There's a big difference between giving an explanation, and making an excuse. Excuses harbor guilt and shame -- a protective veneer for avoiding a deeper issue. They rationalize bad behaviors, and set the table for a mediocre life.

Here are 12 steps to permanently remove excuses from your life:

1. Awareness leads to change

How often do you make excuses? For seven days, be on high-alert for any attempts at rationalizing bad behavior. Chalk them up in your journal. Write out the incident that sparked off your excuse.

2. Remove the criticism

Excuses are produced from negative self-talk. When there's looming judgement, you'll scramble for justification. Removing criticism also removes the need to make excuses.

It doesn't mean indifference toward your faults, but detaching yourself from the shame.

3. Shift to solutions

As you get better at catching your excuse-making, begin to shift your mindset from rationalizing to creating solutions.

Instead of saying you were too busy to meet the deadline, tell yourself you need to get up earlier and schedule your day better.

4. The straight-shooter

This is the friend nobody wants, but everyone needs. The one who'll throw the flag on your faults. Give the green light to someone in your circle to nudge you whenever excuses are attempted.

For extra motivation, let them penalize you, put something on the line for every excuse you make.

5. Less talk, more action

If you weren't so public with your goals, you wouldn't have to backtrack with excuses when failing to meet them. While there's evidence that sharing goals with the right people helps keep you on track, it's more satisfying to simply get it done and avoid any possibility of excuse-making.

6. But find the sweet spot

Overcommitting leads to excuse making. To-do lists are great for clarity and productivity, but overloading leads to frustration.

Stretch yourself, but be aware of your breaking point. If you keep failing to complete tasks, you're overestimating your ability and time. Find that sweet spot where expectation meets accomplishment.

7. Reflect before you react

Habitual excuse-making causes visceral reactions to negative experiences. Taking a moment to pause and reflect creates a mental break and allows for a better response.

Instead of immediately getting offended or frustrated, learn to take any criticism constructively. Detach yourself and don't take things personally.

8. Live according to your standards

It's hard to find motivation when you're living up to other's expectations. It opens the door to failure, and excuses.

You'll kill the two birds of people-pleasing and excuses with one stone once you align your actions with your own beliefs and goals.

9. Take responsibility

We're all human and prone to mistakes. But to blame others, when you're responsible, is a destructive way to excuse your behavior.

Shirking responsibility feeds a "victim mentality," and creates more negative traits, including passive-aggressive behavior.

10. Become "process oriented"

As opposed to solely goal oriented, where failure to arrive at a destination or meet a goal causes a sting, and subsequent excuses to ease the pain.

Becoming process oriented means seeing value and learning in every step of the journey, not just the destination. Mastery is not a static but progressive destination. It releases the unnecessary pressure you place on yourself.

11. A worthy reason

Successful change is meaningful change. You need motivation to stick to goals, and that comes from purpose--seeing the positive effects of removing excuses.

Think through the benefits of having an excuse-free life: healthier relationships, increasing productivity, living your dream.

12. Remind & reinforce your changes

As with any behavioral changes, positive reinforcements make new habits stick. Any time you check off a step on this list, have a glass of wine and give yourself a pat on the back. Give yourself a daily mantra: "I make progress, not excuses."

Always recognize your little wins, they'll lead to big ones.

Thai writes from the intersection of psychology, philosophy, and spirituality. Sign up for his free infographic-articles at: The Utopian Life.

On Kindness and Self-Care

A friend on Facebook recently started a thread asking, "What is the most important thing in life?" There were many good answers: family, compassion, learning from experience. I didn't have to think long about mine, I quickly set aside my first answer, (French roast coffee and Elvis Costello) and I went with my other go-to answer for most things: kindness. There's a Henry James quote I love, that sums it up nicely, "Three things in human life are important: the first is to be kind; the second is to be kind; and the third is to be kind."

I'm no kindness expert. I know at times I fail, but when a question arises, I look for my answer in another question, "What is the kind thing to do?" Often this is kindness to others but I also try to remember to offer this kindness to myself. That is often more difficult.

Writer Anne Lamott often talks about self care, referring to it as radical. "Radical self-care means that I gently bust myself out of the desperate lifelong need to please, and it means that I start to say no as a complete sentence."

The lesson that self-care is as important as care for others can be tough for a people-pleaser like myself. I'm told it's like when on an airplane, if the cabin loses pressure, we are to secure our own oxygen mask first, and then help others. My problem is, I want to make sure everyone has had enough waffles and is wearing clean underwear before I breathe into my mask and by then I will have passed out on my tray-table.

The concept of offering kindness to ourselves is especially difficult for those dealing with other "bigger" things, like raising children, supporting a partner, helping aging parents, or giving your all to a job. Fear of letting others down at the expense of ourselves is not kind, and at its worst it can lead to resentment of the things we love. I do not get extra Jesus-points for wearing myself down to a sighing martyr, still in pajamas at noon, who could use a shower.

Self care does not have to look like an impossibly expensive spa day or running away to join an ashram, although that doesn't sound so bad. It's saying no to one more obligation, it's letting the dishes sit and reading a book for a few minutes. It's a tiny bit of whatever makes you feel more like the you in your favorite version of yourself.

I must very gently take myself by the hand, and sit down with a quiet moment and a cup of that French roast coffee and breathe in the oxygen. It's the kind thing to do, and that's important.

Find Your Teacher: What to Look for + Avoid in Choosing a YTT

YJ LIVE! presenters Natasha Rizopoulos and Amy Ippoliti offer tips for finding a YTT teacher who is a perfect fit for you.

The post Find Your Teacher: What to Look for + Avoid in Choosing a YTT appeared first on Yoga Journal.

13 T-Shirt Slogans That Will Inspire Anyone In Your Path

Gayle King led the way with some T-shirt wisdom we all can believe in. Here are other uplifting ideas to wear out into the world. See what happens!





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31 Things I Asked for By Age 31

I had a striking and sudden realization last year when I was in Australia talking to a good friend. The people who receive what they want in their lives don't have a secret hidden talent or good luck. They ask for what they want.

How simple!

Asking is not the only thing you have to do (you certainly have to be a giver first and a do-er and follow through-er) but asking can make a huge difference in our lives. It became so clear to me as I replayed in my mind all times that I had seen people voice what they want and then get it -- from romantic relationships to career opportunities to advice, even access to events or help from strangers.

Asking makes us vulnerable, I understand. But if we don't ask the answer is always no. People who get what they want are afraid to ask just like the rest of us but the difference is, they ask anyway. And they contribute a lot, too. Such is the awesome law of reciprocity. But so often we are happy to give but feel uncomfortable or guilty about getting.

Reflecting on this, I created a list of 31 things that I have asked for with positive results by age 31:

1. My now-husband to take my phone number during the concert we met at.
2. Considerable salary increases when my work performance is strong.
3. A hug from Jake Gyllenhal in a downtown New York City restaurant.
4. Discounts -- from bananas at a street vendor (when I am 50 cents short) to international flights to cable packages.
5. A little kindness from a woman who I saw being rude to a yoga studio assistant.
6. Forgiveness -- many times. This has been perhaps the most important request of my life.
7. The table I want in a restaurant. Everyone pays the same, so I like typically request a window table or cosy corner spot.
8. Publication of my work from some of the most prestigious online publishers.
9. Millions of dollars throughout my corporate advertising sales career.
10. Coffee with someone I want to meet (taking initiative in new friendships is an important skill when you move around the world).
11. More reliability from a guy I used to date (he never was and it was short-lived -- better to know sooner, darlings).
12. Media interviews with Bethenny Frankel, Arianna Huffington, Kris Jenner, Kelly Osbourne and Sara Blakely.
13. To purchase something that is not for sale (a friend's jacket, a mirror in an outdoor market).
14. A job in New York City with no network, no local experience, a pending work visa and an incomplete college degree (I received two awesome offers and accepted the highest paying).
15. What I need from my husband on a regular basis (I love quality down time together).
16. A seat on the subway when someone is taking up unnecessary space.
17. Positive feedback when I need it.
18. Free samples from retail stores when I buy something.
19. Referrals for the vision board events I lead.
20. Favors from friends (from dog-sitting to their help in setting up a party to a ride to the airport).
21. Clarity on expectations from managers (ambiguity in the workplace is rampant.)
22. Permission to dig deeper on an emotional issue if I can sense a friend needs to talk about something.
23. Asking people to lighten up in a "crisis" -- such as an internet power outage at the office. Where did the fun go?
24. Free late checkouts at any hotel -- 90 percent of the time this works.
25. Honesty from others about my work -- even when it hurts!
26. Punctuality (since when is it okay to be so late)?
27. If I may go first in a group presentation setting -- to get my nerves out of the way.
28. Reduced prices in exchange for loyalty and/or sincere online reviews (dry cleaners, movers, spas).
29. Asking myself, "What the hell am I doing? This needs to change!" This question has arisen when my life needs a course correct. Wrong relationship, wrong job, too much partying. You have to get real with yourself every so often.
30. Asking how I can help -- from a friend going through a breakup to a mum with a stroller who can't fit into a bathroom stall in Bloomingdales.
31. A divorce from my first husband. But that's another topic!

It's important to note that as long as this list is -- I could write an equally long list of rejection (longer, even). But that is the thing. Without asking for what you want you have no list -- apart from a mental list of regrets. Pay attention to anyone you really admire -- they will have had plenty of failures behind them. But they still did something. They took risks. They identified what they wanted and asked for it. No business success, no engagement story, no change in this world took place without someone asking for something first. And it all begins with you. So ask yourself, what do you really, really want?

Sign up for my free weekly wellness newsletter at susie-moore.com.

The Incredible Lightness of Cheating – part 2

If you haven’t read Part 1, go here. The image above is titled “Love” and was created by Eli Vokounova. It does not belong to me, I am just a fan of her work. You can see more of her art here. [trigger warning] Update (3/14/15): First, I want to apologize for not responding to the comments on...

The post The Incredible Lightness of Cheating – part 2 appeared first on Enlightenment.Com.

A Guided Meditation for Heartbreak, Pain, and Grief

This video guides you through a practice of acknowledging your feelings without getting caught up in the stories around them.

The post A Guided Meditation for Heartbreak, Pain, and Grief appeared first on Yoga Journal.

Are You Selfish or Self-Responsible?

One of the last things any of us want to be called is "selfish." We often end up doing things we don't want to do to avoid being seen as selfish. In my counseling work with people, I often hear the questions, "Aren't I being selfish if I take care of myself instead of take care of everyone else? Am I being selfish if I do what I want instead of what someone else wants me to do?"

The problem occurs because of an inaccurate definition of "selfish."

You are being selfish when:

• You expect others to give themselves up for you.


• You make others responsible for taking care of your feelings of pain and joy.


• You get angry at others for doing what they want to do rather than doing what you want them to do.


• You consistently make your own feelings, wants, needs and desires important without also considering others feelings, wants, needs and desires.


• You believe you are entitled to special treatment, such as not having to wait in line.

You are being self-responsible when:

• You take care of your own feeling, wants, desires and needs rather than expecting others to take care of you.


• You support others in doing what brings them joy, even when they are not doing what you want them to do.


• You show caring toward others for the joy it give you rather than out of fear, obligation or guilt.


• You have the courage to take loving action in your own behalf, even if someone gets angry with you. For example, you go to bed early because you are tired, even if your partner gets angry at you for not watching a movie with him or her.


• You have the courage to speak your truth about what you will or will not do, and what you do or do not feel, rather than give yourself up to avoid criticism, anger or rejection.

Giving yourself up to avoid being called selfish is not self-responsible - it is manipulative and dishonest. When you give yourself up to avoid criticism, you are trying to control how another feels about you.

Taking loving care of ourselves, with no intent to harm another, is self-responsible. Yet we are often called "selfish" when we take care of ourselves. For example, Tammy had signed up to take one of my Inner Bonding weekend workshops and was really looking forward to it. She let her husband, Frank, and two children know weeks before the workshop that she was going, and that it was important to her. The day before the workshop Frank was given four great tickets to a basketball game. He wanted Tammy to go with him the next day, which was the first day of the workshop. When she said no, he got angry at her and told her she was selfish for doing what she wanted to do rather than spending the time with the family. Tammy came to the workshop with much to work on!

In reality, it was Frank who was being selfish in expecting Tammy to give herself up and do what he wanted her to do rather than what was really important to her. He was not caring at all about Tammy - he just wanted what he wanted. He felt entitled to be angry at her and try to make her feel guilty when she didn't give in to his demands.

For Tammy, this was a crazy-making situation. Being labeled as selfish when it is really Frank who was being selfish is crazy-making. Many of us grew up with parents who crazy-made us in this way - demanding that we give ourselves up for them and telling us we were selfish when we were actually taking responsibility for our own happiness and well being.

It is important for each of us to define selfishness and self-responsibility for ourselves so that we are not dependent upon others' definition of us. When, through your inner work, you become secure in knowing that you not only have the right, but the responsibility, to support your own joy and highest good - with no intent to harm another - then you will not be tempted to give yourself up when someone tells you that you are selfish for not doing what he or she wants. When we are secure in knowing that our own intent is a loving one, we do not have to manipulate others into defining us as caring by giving ourselves up.

Join Dr. Margaret Paul for her 30-Day at-home Course: "Love Yourself: An Inner Bonding Experience to Heal Anxiety, Depression, Shame, Addictions and Relationships."

Join Dr. Margaret Paul for her 30-Day at-home Relationships Course: "Loving Relationships: A 30-Day at-Home Experience with Dr. Margaret Paul - For partnered individuals & couples, & people who want to be partnered."

Take our free Inner Bonding eCourse at http://www.innerbonding.com/welcome.

Connect with Margaret on Facebook: Inner Bonding, and Facebook: SelfQuest.

Former NBA Player Jay Williams On The Moment He Wanted To End It All (VIDEO)

At age 21, Jay Williams had a life that most people only dream of: He was a rookie player in the NBA with a lucrative contract with the Chicago Bulls and a promising future. Then, in 2003, it all came to an abrupt halt when Williams got into a near-fatal motorcycle accident that ended his career and threatened his ability to walk again.

Suddenly, Williams found himself lost in more ways than one. Physically, his recovery was a struggle, and emotionally, the wounds ran deep. Basketball had been everything to Williams, but now he felt he had nothing. There were dark moments in the time after his accident -- including one in which Williams envisioned ending it all.

It was less than three months after Williams had been released from the hospital, and he had a rare moment alone in his apartment, as he tells Oprah in the above video from "Super Soul Sunday."

"I was praying a lot at that time. I bounced back from prayer to anger so quickly," he says. "I had no idea who I was, who I wanted to be, if I was going to be able to walk again or run again."

Williams' parents knew of their son's fragile mental state and always tried to be with him to offer their comfort and support. This particular time was different. "My parents did a really good job of not letting me be alone," he says. "I actually thought it was a sign..."

At the time, Williams says he was "very high" on morphine, which he believes impacted his judgment. "This is how delusional you can become when you're on a morphine tap," he says. "I saw a pair of scissors there, by the bed. I just remember thinking to myself, 'If I could reach those scissors, then I deserve not to be here.' Because they were put there for a reason."

So, Williams reached for the scissors.

"I grabbed the edge of the scissors with my pinky and I pulled it in," he says. "I remember sitting there just trying to take those blades and just pull them over my wrist -- over the tattoo that says 'believe' on my wrist, looking at it, saying, 'I don't believe in anything anymore.'"

In that moment, Williams had lost his faith. "I was angry. I always try to do things right, I'd be on time, I'd gone to charities. Just kind of thought, 'I can't believe you would do this to me," he says.

That's when Williams' mother came in and saw his with the scissors.

"[She] started screaming at me," Williams says. "Takes the scissors out of my hands and just grabs my hand, and starts to pray. And said, 'Promise me you're never going to hurt yourself again. You've been left here for a reason."

That last sentence jumped out at Williams, who couldn't understand why his life would have been spared. "What reason do I have to be here? To be made fun of? To be told by everybody that I'm a failure?" he wondered.

Still, his mother prayed. This is the type of unconditional love and support that Williams credits with helping him turn things around.

"It was the constant support of the people who loved me that really pulled me through those dark times," he says. "I don't think it was until later, a couple of years later, until I started going to counseling, started to try to go to church. I put my faith into something bigger -- and it was through my mother and my father helping me believe that [I was] left here for a purpose."

"Super Soul Sunday" airs Sundays at 11 a.m. ET on OWN. You can also stream the program live on Oprah.com/supersoulsunday or Facebook.com/supersoulsunday.

Need help? In the U.S., call 1-800-273-8255 for the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline.



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Yoga Class To Try: Iyengar Rope-Wall Workshop

Want to mix up your yoga practice? Try this Iyengar yoga class that focuses on correct alignment through ropes and anchors.

The post Yoga Class To Try: Iyengar Rope-Wall Workshop appeared first on Yoga Journal.

Artist With Paraplegia Uses His Mouth To Paint Hawaii's Vivid Colors On Canvas

One of the more demoralizing times of Moses Hamilton's life was when he tried to paint in early 2003.

He was participating in an art program at the Rehabilitation Hospital of the Pacific in Hawaii. A teacher was trying to show a group of people with disabilities how to paint with their mouths.

Hamilton -- who was 26 years old and recovering from a car accident that left him paralyzed from the chest down -- was given a mouthpiece attached to a paintbrush. He struggled to stroke it over the canvas.

"I was in recovery, but I was still mentally distraught," he told The Huffington Post. "That first painting actually brought me down. It was so hard to do anything with my mouth [that] I told myself I couldn't do this."

Hamilton gave up. When he left the art program, the teacher gave him some mouthpieces so he could try again later.

"Hey, you never know," he said the teacher told him.

"Maybe, but maybe not," Hamilton replied.

'Freedom On The Canvas'

Today, Hamilton has created more than 200 paintings, which he sells on his website MosesArt.org. Now 39 years old, he tries to paint four to five days a week for at least four hours a day. On average, according to Kauai news site The Garden Island, it takes him 25 hours to finish an 11-by-14 painting.

(Story continues below)


He says it took "patience, practice, perseverance and a lot of passion" -- what he calls, "the P's of painting" -- to get to his level of skill. It also took time to convince himself it was worth giving art another try.

It was over a year after his move back to his home island of Kauai before he picked up the mouthpieces to try painting once more.

"It started off as a hobby, then it snowballed," he said. "I was getting better and gaining more confidence."

He learned to hold the paintbrush steady, and he began using colors inspired by the islands. Painting outdoors became one of his favorite things to do. Eventually, people took interest in his work, and he began selling it.

Now, Hamilton says, "painting soothes my soul."

"It sets me free from being in a wheelchair," he told HuffPost. "I might not be moving my body, but I am moving something on the page. I’m creating my own moments, freedom on the canvas."

(Story continues below)


Hamilton can often be found painting in the outdoor plaza of the Ching Young Shopping Center near Hanalei Beach. It's his favorite place to paint and talk with curious passersby.

Hamilton uses watercolor and acrylic to paint Kauai's beaches at sunrise, sunset and moonrise. He also paints the beach's perfect curling waves, relying on his memories of riding the surf to bring the swells to life.

He paints portraits of the culture and people of the Hawaiian islands -- Native Hawaiians in traditional garb, Filipino fieldworkers, women in kimonos and hula dancers. He uses intricate patterns and vivid colors. He once called his artistic style, "exaggerated impressionism," according to Honolulu's MidWeek.

Hamilton wants his art to expand. He wants to try new mediums and new textures. But for now, he's content selling his art ("half the fun is being able to share it," he says) and enjoying the beauty of his life on Kauai.

"The islands are more than just a physical experience," he said. "The feeling is all bright; it's golden, it's a tropical feeling. We're living under a rainbow. I live in a place filled with magic and colors."

(Story continues below)


Ego-Crushing And Humbling

Before his accident, Hamilton surfed big waves, lived an active lifestyle and worked at various hotels and restaurants. In his own mind, he was a superstar -- a "big, strong man," he says.

Now, he can barely shake his arms. He can use his right arm to push his wheelchair, but he can't move his fingers, feed himself or grab things. He admits his life now is tough; he relies on his parents for basic movements. He said he takes a lot of deep breaths to release the frustration he feels when he thinks of "all the things I don't have anymore -- the opportunity to surf and have a more normal life."

"It’s been a very humbling experience; kind of ego-crushing," he said. "I've had to learn to let go of ... that exciting life that I lived before. Now my life is quiet, simple, but it's a good life, too."

Inspiration, he says, isn't hard to come by, but he has to remind himself to live with an "attitude of gratitude."

"Happiness isn't handed to you," he said. "It takes work to be happy. You've got to find it and find your own way in life."

"It’s definitely a daily lesson in letting go," he adds, "in being calm and accepting the fate I have."

Below, see Hamilton's vibrant creations bring the Hawaiian islands to life.










If you'd like to purchase prints or originals of Moses Hamilton's work, visit his website at MosesArt.org and follow him on Facebook.

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The Wild One

I'm not the prettiest,
I'm not the smartest,
I'm no way near the funniest,

Reality bites, but your lips linger
not as long as your smell,
but locked, locked in my memories,

Your reality is,
you wanted,
what you wanted,

not because you wanted it,
but because you were conditioned to it,

I am the first,
I am the moment,

That crushes your reality,
That bites your lip back, HARD,
That lets my smell linger,

A little rough around the edges,

I'm not the prettiest,
I'm not the smartest,
No way near the funniest,

I am the moment,

I am beyond your conditioning,

I am not the way you dream, nor am I the nightmare,
I am some where in between,
without the pinning down,

your faith is all you have,
for when you think you have me,
I am beyond,
when you think it's perfect,
it's broken,

you can define me all you want,
with the hope that I'll be wanted
I may let you,

but reality releases something different...

I am the moment,
I am beyond your conditioning,

I won't tell you what you want to hear,
I'll tell you the space in between,

Let's linger together here and now,
you'll love me anyway,
and I'll love you all the way,
I hope you'll embrace me, the way that I am,

I am the this moment,

I am beyond your conditioning,

I am the wild one.

17 Things We Know About Forgiveness

By Melissa Dahl
Follow @melissadahl

The offense-apology-forgiveness cycle is a draining, regimented ritual for public figures. Just in the past few weeks, Benedict Cumberbatch made an ill-conceived comment about race, referring to black actors as “colored”; apologized; and was (mostly) forgiven. Then there’s Brian Williams, and others with such charged pasts that new offenses and new apologies hardly seem to move the dial at all, like when Kanye West “upstaged” Beck at the Grammys. Below, our best grab bag of insights from social science about forgiveness theater.

1.The scientific literature on forgiveness only dates back to 1989, amazingly.
But some researchers suggest we’re seeing more examples of public figures seeking forgiveness lately because we’re becoming more aware of the importance of seeking reconciliation.

2. Cats never forgive.
Scientists have observed conciliatory behavior in many different animal species; the bulk of the research has been on primates like bonobos, mountain gorillas, and chimps, who often follow confrontations with friendly behavior like embracing or kissing. Scientists have observed similar behaviors in non-primates like goats and hyenas; the only species that has so far failed to show outward signs of reconciliation are domestic cats.

Science of Us: A Trick That Will Make Your Next Apology Better

3. Humans are less likely to forgive public figures than loved ones.
With personal forgiveness, the resentment we feel is usually going to weigh more heavily on us, says sociologist Everett Worthington -- but this actually motivates us to reconcile.

4. Also, it’s harder to believe public figures’ apologies.
We have history with a loved one who’s harmed us, Worthington says, so we can judge the sincerity of their contrition. With a celebrity or politician, it’s less clear.

5. No offense is unforgivable.
“I have never found a particular injustice in the world that I don’t know of at least one person who’s forgiven the people who have perpetrated it,” says Robert Enright, a psychologist who pioneered the study of forgiveness. It’s more accurate to say that there are particular people who are more or less forgiving.

6. But betrayal does work a little differently.
According to a study from 2010, the most common type of unforgiven offense is betrayal, including affairs, deceit, broken promises, and broken secrets.

7. There are different kinds of forgiveness.
Decisional forgiveness is largely external; it’s a change in the way you behave toward someone who’s wronged you, even though you may still feel negatively toward the person. Emotional forgiveness, on the other hand, is an internal change in the way you feel toward this person -- resentment giving way to positive emotions like empathy, sympathy, compassion, and even love. That’s the real kind of forgiveness; the other one is the much more common playacting variety.

8. Forgiveness comes easier to younger children.
Unlike 10- and 11-year olds, 7- and 8-year-olds in one study didn’t need an apology to forgive; they tended to judge offenders who had apologized and those who hadn’t as equally worthy.

9. And they learn early.
In a different study from the 1990s, some children as young as 2 or 3 apologized when they had been led to believe they had damaged a valuable object.

10. Carrying a grudge literally weighs you down.
Researchers at Erasmus University asked people to write about a time when they either gave or withheld forgiveness. They then asked their human guinea pigs to jump as high as they could, five times, without bending their knees. Those who had been thinking about a time when they’d forgiven jumped highest, about 11.8 inches on average; those who had written about their grudges, on the other hand, jumped 8.5 inches -- a huge difference, and a startling illustration of how forgiveness can actually unburden you.

Science of Us: 13 Reasons You're Sleep Deprived

11. Extroverts are kind of needy about forgiveness.
Your personality seems to affect how easily you’re able to forgive, and people who score high in extroversion are much more proactive in seeking out forgiveness than introverts (though also, notably, quicker to forgive others). Introverts tend to be initially more concerned with forgiving themselves than making amends with the person they’ve offended.

12. For a healthier heart, be more forgiving.
When people are reminded of grudges they’re carrying, research shows that their heart rates and blood pressure can increase. Forgiveness, on the other hand, has been linked to better heart health. Plus you’ll sleep better when you let bygones be just that. But keep in mind you can’t fake it: Researchers believe that the health benefits associated directly with forgiving apply only to emotional, not decisional, forgiving.

13. Sometimes forgiveness can backfire.
Couples who described themselves as more forgiving also reported experiencing more psychological and physical aggression over the first four years of marriage. In some cases, researchers believe, forgiveness may keep the offending people from changing their bad behavior.

14. Don’t underestimate the words “I’m sorry.”
Behavioral economist Dan Ariely has found that repeatedly asking forgiveness will eventually extract it from others -- even if you don’t really mean it, and even if the person you’ve wronged knows you don’t really mean it.

15. The perfect model of forgiveness is a 20-step process.
Enright says it can be summarized in five: (1) Admit you’ve been treated unjustly. (2) Respond with anger. (3) Work on seeing the person who harmed you as not solely defined by this offense. (4) Come to understand that the pain may not ever dissipate completely. (5) Find meaning in your suffering, perhaps by helping others.

16. Generally speaking, religious people are more forgiving than nonreligious people.
This is perhaps not surprising; most of the world’s religions teach forgiveness, says Worthington. But, interestingly, a 2013 study he co-authored found that people who consider themselves “spiritual” are more likely to practice self-forgiveness than people who called themselves “religious.” Still, forgiveness works the same in religious and secular contexts — it’s the same process, psychologically speaking, says Worthington.

17. The Amish are very forgiving.
Nearly a decade ago, after a shooting at an Amish schoolhouse, outsiders were stunned when the community responded with immediate forgiveness. In researching how, sociologist Donald B. Kraybill found that from a very early age, the Amish practice forgiveness exercises with their families. They’d been preparing to forgive this huge injustice their whole lives.

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5 Mental Hurdles to Scale to Make Your Leap of Faith

Many of us have a great idea or a new solution to an everyday challenge lingering in the back of our minds but don't act on it. Having a good idea is great. Acting on it is even better. It takes a leap of faith combined with plenty of legwork.

The reason many us don't move forward is not because of roadblocks that stand in your way. Often it is the emotional barriers we create. Here are five mental hurdles you may have and how to scale them to make your leap:

1. I don't have the time. If not now, when? If you can make time for a weekly mani-pedi, spin class, laundry or posting endlessly on Facebook, why can't you take the same amount of time to work on your new idea? Flexing your mind is as important as flexing your body. Tip: Put the "Do not disturb" sign up and add just one hour in your week for "project development."

2. I can't afford to do it. Hey! You can't afford not to. Taking action costs relatively nothing compared to living with the price of regret for not trying. If money is tight, take baby steps to get started. Start saving in other areas or trading off to give yourself more spending power to spark your idea. I traded dining out for eating in and stopped buying stuff that was simply filling up my drawers and counters, often rarely used.

3. I don't have the skills. Well, you probably do and just don't know it. First, look at what talents you have and think about using them in other ways. I host two radio shows and never took a class called "How to be a radio host." I knew I loved to write, had a gift for gab and an inquisitive mind and just repackaged my communications skills to use them in a fresh new way.Want to learn new skills? Volunteer your time and talent with organization which aligns with your goals to gain hands on experience.

4. I lack the proper education or degree. That didn't seem to stop Bill Gates. You are smarter than you think. Our bodies are designed to give birth which is pretty amazing! But our minds are equally able to give birth to ideas, which is awesome!

Tip: If you feel you need to deposit to your brain trust, there are many online courses and Apps you can download. Just jump in with that extra hour a week you just gave yourself. I am a big fan of free webinars and tele-seminars. Usually there's a no-obligation sales pitch at the end. But you can learn plenty just by listening for one hour free. For some jobs like teaching, an advanced degree is necessary. Many programs offer payment plans for slightly more money or provide professional discounts to certain groups.

5. It seems like everyone is already doing what I want to do. Sometimes I wonder if any idea is truly original anymore. Here's the reality: There is a market for everything if you identify your niche and audience, understand their needs and figure out how to reach them and with a compelling message. Just give your idea a new twist.

Some of the best ideas are better solutions to everyday problems. Do your homework by drawing on your own experiences and by talking to others. There were a ton of breast cancer books written by survivors on the market when I was pitching "Getting Things Off My Chest." I read many of them and knew how I wanted my book to stand apart. I was able to sell this message and my plan to promote it to a publisher who listened and took me on. If I had not done the research and pitched how my book filled a niche for a specific audience and would be different from the other books, my manuscript would still be sitting in my computer.

If you want to pursue something for pure joy (dancing, painting, singing, jewelry making), there are many courses and apps to help you get started without making a huge commitment. I like www.craftsy.com

If your idea is a business, start with a simple outline. Ask yourself these ten questions:

1. What is my idea and what is its purpose?


2. How does it work?


3. What is the need and how will my idea fill it?


4. Who is my target audience and what do they like?


5. How can I reach them?


6. What am I offering them to engage their interest?


7. What am I selling to make money and how am I doing it?


8. How much money do I need to get started?


9. What other services/products like mine exist and how is my concept both similar and different?


10. What resources can I draw on (tech support, financial, friends, family, etc) to help me?

Taking the first step with a new project, enterprise or direction requires a leap of faith. You have to believe in yourself, your potential and your possibilities. Do it with an open mind and a willingness to listen to your gut, to advice from people you respect and to the people you want to reach. But ignore the naysayers who discourage rather than encourage you.

I don't know about you, but I'd rather act on my dreams rather than sleepwalk through life. Is it time to schedule your wake up call?

Late Father's Sweet Postcard Makes Its Way To His Son, Almost 8 Years After It Was Sent

A young boy from Colorado recently received a moving reminder of how much his late father loved him.

Joseph Torrez died from Creutzfeldt–Jakob disease, a degenerative neurological disorder, two years ago at age 41, Yahoo News reported. Before his death, Torrez had sent his son, Rowan, postcards from different states he traveled through during a road trip. Last Saturday, the 9-year-old received one of them in the mail, postmarked June 10, 2007, and arriving days before the anniversary of Torrez's death.



The postcard read:

"Hello from Pennsylvania! I love you and I miss you so much. See you soon. Love, Daddy."

Rowan didn't get the chance to say a final goodbye before his dad died, as his parents were divorced and his father was in a coma by the time he could travel to Torrez's house in San Diego, Yahoo News reported. But Julie Van Stone, Rowan's mother, says she believes that this was Torrez's way of contacting Rowan one last time.

“Joseph got that last message out to Rowan -- it was in the craziest way, but he did it,” she told Yahoo News. “We have this last little thing from him. It’s truly a gift.”

In addition to serving in the Navy, Torrez attended Massachusetts Institute of Technology in Boston, according to KUSA. There, he pursued two master's degrees. It was on his drive back from Boston to the family's home in Colorado that he send postcards to his son. Van Stone told KUSA that the thoughtful father had sent a few postcards which Rowan never received.

It's unclear how this most recent postcard finally arrived almost eight years after it was sent, but regardless, Rowan told the outlet that he will treasure his father's words.

"It's like a keepsake,'' he told KUSA. "I'd say, 'Thank you.'''

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Rick Hanson final interview tracks posted

The Rick Hanson interview has now been finished, with the posting of the final 6 tracks: Track # 19: Grappling with the Possibility of 7 Billion Brains Resting in the Green Zone Track # 20: An Intermediate Practice Bridging Enhancement & Enlightenment Track # 21: Wiring Wisdom Into The Tissues of Your Own Brain Track # 22: Undoing the Self and Being Illuminated...

The post Rick Hanson final interview tracks posted appeared first on Enlightenment.Com.

8 Ways To Bounce Back After Disappointment

By Barbara Stepko

Sad but true: Bad stuff happens to all of us. Relationships turn toxic and die, trips to the HR department end in pink slips and tears, loved ones become ill.

It hurts. It sucks. And a lot of times, it's unfair. You'd like to think that you're the kind of person who can suck it up and instantly recover, but the fact is, everyone reacts differently to disappointment and pain. "Let it go" may make for an inspiring (if irritatingly omnipresent) song lyric, but let's face it: Landing on your feet and moving on is a lot easier said than done.

But here's the thing: While none of us is totally in control of what happens in life, we can control how we react to heinous situations. We asked experts for their best strategies for moving on and bouncing back.

Follow these tricks and you'll not only be able to rebound from disappointments -- you'll actually end up a better, smarter, stronger person than before. (Admit it, you're intrigued, right?)

Throw a (small) pity party.
Want to have a good sob? Go medieval on a container of Ben & Jerry's? By all means, do it. Unless you let yourself feel pain, you can't heal properly, says Karen Salmansohn, the best-selling author of The Bounce Back Book, who uses a personal story to illustrate her point: "While vacationing in Greece a few years ago, I had an accident, in which I basically got squished underneath my moped. I was embarrassed, so even though I was hurt, I put up a brave front, insisting to my friends, 'I'm OK, I'm OK.' Well, my elbow ended up healing badly and to this day I have trouble with my arm." Crashing in a relationship, or in another aspect of your life, is like that, says Salmansohn: "When you insist that you're fine and don't take time to acknowledge the pain (or grieve, for that matter), you don't heal properly. Let yourself mourn.

Kelly McGonigal, Ph.D., author of the upcoming book, The Upside of Stress, puts it this way: "Giving yourself permission to grieve about disappointment is how you move on." In fact, she says, research shows that the more upset you are after some kind of loss or adversity, the more likely you are to experience personal growth as a result. "Feeling bad is often a catalyst for making positive change," she says. "If you try to suppress your feelings and 'skip' the feeling bad part, you're less likely to learn and grow from the experience."

Pretend you're Serena Williams.
Think of any transition as a kind of major sporting event, says McGonigal. "Life is asking a lot of you, so take care of yourself in the same way that an athlete would prepare for an important competition," she says. "Think of it as self-care, rather than self-indulgence. By that I mean it should create health, help you sustain energy, or provide a true rest." Salmansohn opts for the second, tapping into the mind-body connection by reaching for the dumbbells. "It makes me feel empowered -- I'm like, Oh yeah!" she says. "There are studies that show when you're physically strong, you're emotionally strong."

Create a distraction.

One of the reasons we feel so upset when life throws us for a loop is because we feel out of control. "Distractions help you re-gain some of that control," says Salmansohn. Choose something that you're good at -- a signature strength or passion, she says -- then put it on your calendar and do it. "The more stuff that you can write down on your to-do list and cross off, the more you'll feel in control," says Salmansohn. "Think of it as a stop-and-swap: 'Well, I couldn't control that, but I can control this.' You were the person who got dumped or got fired; now you're the woman who's a killer tennis player or someone who has the coolest Pinterest page in the world. You've got stuff going on! The point here is to remind yourself that there are other aspects to you as a person."

Some of the best distractions, McGonigal says, are the ones that involve doing something positive and constructive (in other words, nix the Netflix binge). "Volunteer at a local charity, train for a 5K, even clean out your closet," she suggests. "Basically, anything that involves moving energy in a positive direction."

Pick up the phone.
Usually when we're going through a tough time or trauma, we tend to pull inward and push people away. Bad move. "You have to get yourself off that merry-go-round of not-so-merry thoughts," says Salmansohn. "When we're by ourselves, we tend to wallow and obsess. But studies show that people who seek out the comfort and safety of friends are the ones who recover fastest. Love does heal, so be around the people who love and support you." There's another good reason for reaching out, according to Gail Saltz, M.D., Health's contributing psychology editor: "Friends can help you recover by offering suggestions and advice that you may not have considered." And while you're at it, call home, OK? Scientists at the University of Wisconsin at Madison found that when women hear their mother's voice, it can reduce their stress hormones, producing an effect similar to a hug.

Reframe your identity.
Don't let a bad situation define you. Boost your self-esteem by changing your identity and getting out of that victim mindset: "Think of yourself as a victor, not a victim," says Salmansohn. "Reassure yourself that whatever happens, you are the type of person who can get through it. Make it a point to say a mantra of positive -- not pitiful -- words whenever a defeatist attitude starts to creep in: I'm going to be OK. I'm strong. I have it within me to get through this and get to where I need to be." Another trick to get you in a positive frame of mind: "Realize that life is full of curve balls," Saltz says. "Look back and recall how you handled every one of them. What you'll realize: You got through them, and you can get through this."

Give yourself a break.
Repair your ego by taking time for a personal -- and compassionate -- pep talk. "Focus on what's universal about your situation," says McGonigal. "Everyone makes mistakes. Everyone experiences rejection. Everyone knows what it's like to try and fail. All that your experience says is that you are human -- not that your life is uniquely screwed up." And stop projecting blame inward, Saltz says: "It's self-referential to think that the fault lies solely with you and not the other person. For example, maybe your relationship failed because your former partner was a commitment-phobe. You need to spot what someone else has brought -- or not brought -- to the situation."

Use the hurt.

Think of it as a kind of emotional adrenaline to make some changes in your life. "A lot of people are afraid of change or anything new and unfamiliar," says Salmansohn. "But when you're going through a crisis, suddenly the new and unfamiliar doesn't look as scary as the place you're in, so you're more open to change." Remember, the story of your life is a lot bigger than one single moment, "so imagine this moment as a turning point in the story that will propel you to something bigger and better," McGonigal says.

Re-write the story.
OK, it may sound a little hokey, but it happens to be true: As awful as your situation may be, there's something positive that can come out of it. McGonigal believes that "there's always an upside to change because it gives you an opportunity to make an intentional choice about what you want in life and who you want to be or become. Without major disruptions in our lives, it's easy to never really reflect on those things." Or, as Salmansohn says: "Ultimately, it's all about adopting a student mentality and searching for the good lessons. Happiness isn't about what happens to you; it's how you respond to what happens to you. Tell your story as a sad one and it will be a sad story; tell it as a happy one and it will be a happy story -- with a happy ending."

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8 Ways to Bounce Back After Disappointment originally appeared on Health.com